oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
