Where did you get a picture of my penis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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