Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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