so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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