Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I believe in your delicious
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
