You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
