he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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