im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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