He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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