im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
