rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
