im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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