you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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