I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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