Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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