We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love you.
Bad choice
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
