I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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