I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
