I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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