You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
