I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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