I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
