Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
