how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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