it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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