Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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