remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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