The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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