Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
