dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
