i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
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HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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