I think I am morally bankrupt
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
