I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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