We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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