I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
