If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
