Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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