I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
