I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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