Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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