I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
