Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
