When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
