singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's always time for handjobs
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
