i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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