Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
