I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize