Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
