is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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