Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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