this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
