I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
