She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
