It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
