is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
