and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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