He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
