we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
