He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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