one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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