I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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