I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
