We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize