Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
