If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
