I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
