just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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