Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize